Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
