Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
