Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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