Are we in a gay sports bar?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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