I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
