Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
