Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
