he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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