im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You're like the curious george of whores
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
