I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
