how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
