Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
