that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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