i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
