Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
