I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I enjoy the company of your penis
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
