They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
