I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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