guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
