I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
