butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
