Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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