I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
