I hate all girls vehemently.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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