It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
