im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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