Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
