So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
