I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
