Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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