Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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