So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
