I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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