dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i think my cat just said my name.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
