just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
