i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
