I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just google imaged poop.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
