I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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