I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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