new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Your cock deserves a montage
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
