Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
