I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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