if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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