Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
