I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
