I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
