He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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