Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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