Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
