i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
